A Helpful, 'Saintly' Narcissist?! - Unpacking Communal Narcissism

Can a narcissist actually be helpful? My first gut reaction is “absolutely not,” BUTTTT then I looked at the research. It turns out, there’s a type of narcissism that focuses on achieving power through people, charming a community, and looking unusually helpful. 🤯 They suck up all the ego cookies they can by helping others, in order to rise to the top of a community - hence communal narcissism.¹ This is where there’s a focus on others and getting along. (Note that most narcissism is “agentic” or self-focused motive to get ahead).

What Does Communal Narcissism Look Like?

Communal narcissism is actually a very new term, first appearing in a 2012 research study¹ that found there is a type of narcissist who seeks power and grandiosity, but the means by which they do so is through a community, appearing altruistic, saintly, and helpful. They are willing to put in the super helpful legwork at first, until their grandiosity comes out as they rise to the top.² AND they don’t even know it. They genuinely think they are helpful, though that helping mask can slip off behind closed doors.³ A great example of communal narcissistic behavior is the movie Bernie.

Where Do We Find Communal Narcissists?

Unsurprisingly, we can find communal narcissists anywhere that values help-oriented dynamics. It’s present in charities with do-good initiatives, humanitarian efforts, and not-for-profit organizational events. Similarly, donation or helping/rescue centers can have communal narcissists embedded within, as there is ample opportunity for virtue signaling that highlights “righteousness,” “helpfulness,” and being a “good” person. There’s a public-facing aspect to their self-advertised adoption of an animal (or person), as they seek an award, applause, or park bench in their honor. In fact, social media⁴ is another place where communal narcissism is easily seen with photos shining a spotlight on how generous and altruistic they are. Interestingly, others often see through this schtick, and such posts are often viewed negatively by others.

Unfortunately, helping professions (e.g. doctors, nurses, therapists) also attract communal narcissism due to the inherent power differential between provider and patient. It can be easy for a provider to feel like they have the power to “save” a patient, with a mindset of, “Let me find superiority by helping you, the lesser of us two.” Religious Organizations and Churches are the perfect structure for a communal narcissist since there is a group focus on helping, doing good, and being “righteous.” Here, the communal narcissist may come off as “holier than thou,” and maybe even look “saintly,” like a Mother Theresa form of narcissism. Extremely unhealthy groups like this can cross the line into cult groups. Lastly, we can often see communal narcissism in politics (surprise! 🙄), as they cloak their need for superiority in donating to causes that are “for” the people. Politicians may promise to be the best_thing_ever (🏆!!) by rescuing countries and regions from threats, “other groups,” or the opposing political party.

But How Do You Know Helping Has Gone Bad?

Helping and altruism is not bad, but the narcissism involved in it can be unhealthy at a certain point. We know that communal narcissism is not just about social approval, but also a need for power - putting it squarely in the grandiose narcissist category.² The kicker here is that once the communal narcissist gains power, their grandiosity surpasses their helping mentality. The original means of collecting ego cookies through altruism has worked, so it’s not needed anymore since they’re at the top.² Consider the original benign and righteous motive of the Jonestown cult…but it didn’t end that way. With more power came more corruption and a massacre! That “amazing” person that appears in public can be hypocritical, mean, and even abusive behind closed doors.

So What Happens When A Communal Narcissist Exists Within A Relationship?

Remember that not all help-oriented people are doing it for power and narcissistic supply. But when in a relationship with a communal narcissist, they actually think they are superiorly helpful! There may be a lot of gaslighting, especially because others might not believe you since they see the public-facing greatness, but you see the harmful narcissism when no one is looking. If you feel like this is you, or someone you know, please reach out for help! You can look on Psychology Today or if you’re in Virginia or Pennsylvania, check out our private practice, Quest Psychological and Counseling Services for available services.

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